Shipping Methods & Processing Times

Delivery Timeframe & Processing Times

⏱ Processing

  • Orders ship out within 2–3 business days after you place them. We hustle, but we’re not Amazon robots.

🚚 Delivery

  • U.S. Orders: Typically arrive in 2–5 business days after processing. (Give it up to 2 weeks total just in case USPS is on their nonsense.)
  • International Orders: Can take up to 4 weeks depending on customs and carrier delays.

📦 A Few Things to Keep in Mind

  • Delivery times depend on where you live and how fast the mail gods bless you.
  • Holidays, bad weather, and USPS chaos can slow things down.
  • Tracking numbers are provided, but once it’s in USPS’s hands, it’s officially out of ours.
  • We don’t own a delivery fleet (tragic, we know). Your friendly neighborhood postal service is the one doing the legwork.

Shipping Methods

📮 Free Standard Shipping (2–5 Days)

  • Sent with USPS Ground Advantage
  • Tracking through EasyPost (sometimes vague — blame USPS, not us)
  • Rock solid in practice: we’ve shipped most of our orders this way without issues
  • It’s ground, so worst case, allow up to 2 weeks before you determine its lost.

🚀 Priority Mail (1–3 Days)

  • Shipped by air = faster
  • Includes full USPS tracking
  • Still not a guaranteed delivery date (because, again, USPS)

⚡ Priority Mail Express (1–2 Days)

  • Fastest choice: usually next-day or 2-day delivery by 6 PM
  • USPS includes a money-back guarantee for delays (we can’t issue that refund — it has to go through them)

🌍 International Shipping

  • Can take up to 4 weeks (Global Stamp is especially slow)
  • $5 tracked option available, but the tracking is basically “in the US” → “no idea, good luck” once it leaves the country
  • Only available for lightweight orders under 3.5 oz

❓ Amazon gets my stuff to me in 2 days, why don't you? 

Because Amazon is basically the Death Star of shipping. They’ve got their own planes, trucks, drones, warehouses the size of cities, and an army of drivers wearing matching vests. They can beam a phone charger to your porch in 12 hours flat because they own the whole supply chain.

Me? I’m a one-person shop. I don’t have a fleet, I don’t have a private runway, and Jeff Bezos isn’t funneling me billions to launch your stickers into orbit. I rely on the same old USPS you do — the folks in blue who move mail by truck, by plane, or sometimes by sheer willpower.

Once I drop your order off, it’s officially out of my control. USPS does their thing: sorting, scanning (when they feel like it), and sometimes sending it on a cross-country road trip you didn’t ask for.

So no — I can’t move as fast as Amazon. But unlike Amazon, I know what you ordered, I packed it myself, and I actually appreciate you choosing to support a tiny business instead of a trillion-dollar empire.

❓ Why hasn’t my package status updated?

Pre-Transit

  • It is totally normal for a package to show "Pre-Transit" status for 1–2 days.
  • Translation: the package is hanging out, waiting for its first scan.

Origin Processing

  • Means it’s moving from us → USPS → your local post office.
  • A package Can show "Origin Processing" or USPS in in possession of the item" for 5–7 days and still be making moves behind the scenes. 
  • It is not uncommon for a package to show "origin processing" or "USPS in possession of the item" for several days, then out of nowhere land on the customers doorstep after showing no movement whatsoever. This is especially true around the holidays, and with Ground Advantage packages.

👉 Still waiting?
If it’s been more than 2 weeks for U.S. orders, email us at funny_not_funnyco@yahoo.com and we’ll step in before you lose your mind.

❓ Why does my tracking say “invalid” or “status not available”?

If USPS is acting like your tracking number doesn’t exist, don’t panic — it’s because we use EasyPost for our free shipping option.

  • EasyPost numbers don’t work on USPS.com (so don’t even try — your mailman will just shrug).
  • Tracking is a little vague. Think “low-budget GPS” — it might just say delivered when it gets to your local post office, not your actual doorstep.
  • USPS employees won’t recognize the number either (we’ve tried, they just blink at us).

👉 Want better tracking? Choose USPS Priority Mail at checkout.

Still lost? Shoot us an email at funny_not_funnyco@yahoo.com and we’ll help.


    ❓My Package Shows Delivered But Still Hasn't Arrived

    📦 What to Know About “Delivered” Status

    • USPS sometimes marks things as delivered before they actually show up (manifesting packages into existence, apparently).
    • Give it up to 3 business days after a delivery scan before panicking.
    • Small envelopes don’t always get a final scan, so “delivered” can really mean “probably sitting at your post office.”

    👉 If your package hasn’t arrived after 3 business days:

    • Double-check that the shipping address on your order is correct. (We can’t refund orders sent to the wrong address — that’s on you, bestie.)
    • Ask your neighbors if they got blessed with your questionable bumper sticker.
    • Contact your local post office (they actually know where the mail goes).
    • Still missing? Email us at funny_not_funnyco@yahoo.com and we’ll help you out.

    ❓ Does “Origin Processing Cancellation of Postage” mean my package is canceled?

    Nope — USPS just loves dramatic wording. All it means is that when they first scanned your package, they marked the postage as “used.” It doesn’t mean your order is canceled or lost — it’s still cruising through their mysterious conveyor belt labyrinth and making its way to you.

    ❓ Can I get refunded for my upgraded shipping?

    Only Priority Mail Express comes with a money-back guarantee. Everything else — Priority, Ground Advantage, stamps, carrier pigeons — is not refundable and doesn’t promise exact delivery dates.

    If you did use Priority Mail Express and USPS dropped the ball, you’ll need to request that refund directly from them (they love their paperwork): Request Refund.